Bringing your baby home from the hospital is an exciting and scary time for new parents. There are so many unknowns and changes that take place. Parents try to be prepared, but there are some things you just can’t understand until you’re in the midst of it.
So many parts of life shift after birth. You now have to keep a tiny human healthy, clean, and fed. There are also new costs to adjust to like diapers and daycare. In your personal life, you have to find a sitter to just have alone time with your spouse.
Then, when you finally have alone time, sex and intimacy is one area of your life that you and your partner will have to make adjustments. With all these changes, it can be hard to figure out how to handle it all, but keep reading for five ways to navigate your post-baby love life.
1. Ease Into It
When you and your partner are ready to put love making back on the table post-baby, ease into it. Depending on the type of birth, moms can have different healing windows before the doctor gives the go-ahead for love making. For an average, vaginal delivery, you might be cleared at your six-week postpartum checkup. For those who have a cesarean section, it could be longer based on abdominal healing.
Be sure to tell your partner how you're feeling physically and emotionally. Just because the doctor clears you doesn’t mean you have to engage right away. It can be painful after birth, especially if you tore in delivery.
Tell your partner when you’re ready. Some couples might even find other ways to build intimacy again before engaging in love making.
2. Be Safe
Once you’re ready to restart your pre-baby love making, make sure to be safe. Even if you have not yet had a menstrual cycle post-birth, you can still become pregnant. Make sure you’re using methods of prevention when being intimate with your partner.
Even if you want more children, it’s important to fully heal before becoming pregnant again. Using a method of birth control allows you to heal and connect physically with your husband with a greatly lessened chance of pregnancy.
Caring for a new baby at home can make running errands a challenge. You can make life a little easier, and order your birth control online and have it delivered right to your house. Talk about a timesaver and a helpful way to not run out of your prescription.
Sometimes, after birth, your periods can become heavier as well. Some forms of the birth control pill can help lighten menstruation.
3. Understand Love Making Will Be Different
Even when you feel ready to make love again, you may have to try new things. Old positions might be painful for a bit. Your stomach may also feel sore, or your breasts might be tender. This can be especially true for quite a while if you’re breastfeeding.
Your body has changed and things that used to feel good may not any longer. But, just because some ways of doing things might not work, you and your partner can still have fun. You might discover something new and exciting or a position that feels good that never did before.
Hormone shifts can also cause you to desire love making less or more. Again, be open with your significant other. Understanding how you’re both feeling can go a long ways to building a great intimate life post-baby.
4. Prioritize Your Love Life
After the baby comes, it’s easy to feel like your world is only about the tiny human in your life. It makes sense. Babies rely on their caregivers for everything, but you’re more than just a caregiver. While giving your child your time and attention is important, you also have to look after yourself and your partnership.
Take time for each other. Be intentional with touch and hand holding. Create desire with one another. It’s easy for both partners to feel a little neglected by the attention shift from each other to the baby.
When you can, have alone time. Let grandparents or friends watch your small bundle so you can have dinner out together. Get dressed up and remember the person with the title of mom or dad.
It might be harder now to have spontaneous romps in the kitchen or while out camping. That’s OK — prioritize and schedule your love life. You might have to put it on the calendar. If you both work from home, maybe you can have an afternoon love making session while the little one is at daycare. Or, maybe you meet each other at home for a spicy lunch.
5. Communicate Your Needs and Expectations
So often needs and expectations aren’t met for one simple reason — your partner didn’t know they existed. You can’t read each other’s minds. Communicate.
Talk with your partner about frequency and intimacy types that make you both feel fulfilled. Maybe you find that you are both satisfied with making love once a week. You might find that you need cuddling on the couch each night after the baby falls asleep. Whatever the case may be, talking it out lets you both know what the other needs.
Communication also helps when scheduling intimacy and can add anticipation. You might have to wait until the baby goes to sleep, but that doesn’t mean you have to wait for foreplay. Whisper to your partner while cooking dinner that you want them later that night, or send a flirty text during the day letting them know. This helps your partner know that you’re in the mood after the baby is down.
Navigating your post-baby love life can be a challenge. But, like many areas of a relationship, change doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Ease into it, be safe and understand that love making will be different. Prioritize your love life and communicate your needs and expectations.
Having a baby can be such a wonderful time. You’re creating a new adventure in your relationship. Let your love life evolve and create a new adventure post-baby too!
